joanne: in my own words

Let me sing a song for you,
Please sit and listen to the tune,
This ain't no song of greatness,
But only a voice of a girl,
Singing about her world.

So let me sing a song for you,
Please please please, do listen to the tune,
All I wish is for you to hear me,
As I sing about my days,
Now sing with me if you may.

Saturday, August 7, 2010


every time, she stared at her phone, she secretly hoped it would suddenly ring or an SMS would appear. lately, this gave her much thrill just by waiting and hoping that her empty phone screen would suddenly buzz to life with his calls and SMSes.

1 hour passed. And then 2. And then 3... and soon 12 hours. but the phone was as dead as ever.

the last time they spoke, he was in a hurry to do something. or rather, he was in a hurry to hang up the phone as he might probably find her calls and SMSes to him nuisance and unnecessary. all he said before he ended the conversation was "talk to you later." she quickly interjected, "i'd be waiting for you SMSes, will you SMS me?" he answered, "yes". *click*

but there were no SMSes throughout the day. but still, she waited and waited until she could stand it no more and decided to call him right away. when she dialled his number, the ringing tone continued into his voicemail box. she called a second time and there was still no answer. the third, he picked up with an angry greeting of "hello!" she asked him, "where are you now? still busy?" he sighed and answered, "at home already. resting." she asked, "oh! why didn't you call or SMS me to say you were home and resting?" he answered, "why must you keep asking this kind of question?" and there was silence from her side.

"why is he acting this way to me? all i want from him was for him to understand what i am feeling right now after the whole nightmare. he knows very well that between us, i am the most fragile one and at this particular point of time, it has been really difficult for me to pull thru - the most critical period ever for me. every time, i tried telling him this, he didn't seem like he would want to listen or he seemed like all this was nuisance and such a waste of time. i called him frequently and even more with each passing day was because he wouldn't answer my SMSes or pick up my calls or talk to me nicely, so i was kind of desperate to know what the reason was behind his cold act towards me. i was hurt. what can i do? i do not think i would be able to tell him all this again by mouth or through words as this topic had become somewhat monotonous to his ears. every night, i cried silently to sleep. my pillows were the listening audience, my blanket was the comforter."

"before what happened, i never really gave any thought about another relationship after this one. the sole reason being: he was the only one i want to be for the rest of my life even though if it takes a lifetime to achieve that. i had given so much love towards him until there was none left for another person after him. i could never really love another just like the way i loved him."


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