joanne: in my own words

Let me sing a song for you,
Please sit and listen to the tune,
This ain't no song of greatness,
But only a voice of a girl,
Singing about her world.

So let me sing a song for you,
Please please please, do listen to the tune,
All I wish is for you to hear me,
As I sing about my days,
Now sing with me if you may.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Sunshine after the Rain

i conqured Desolation.

the dark clouds part. and the Sun is beaming again. i feel his rays on my raw skin. his warmth seeping into my veins. i could feel the gentle wind blowing and the smell of vanilla in my nostrils.

i told you, Desolation. i will conquer you and now you fear me. you have no control of me for i have sent you into eternal damnation.

now, i feel whole again. the whole world smiling at me. and my days are getting brighter. i can now smell the familiar sweet scent of moist soil beneath my feet. the smell i’ve almost forgotten in my earlier days.

and now, i wear a silent smile on my face and am excitedly anticipating…


this familiar feeling of Desolation. i know you too well. you have been knocking on my door a few times. but i pretend not to hear you. i refuse to open the door for you.

you can knock again for all i care. but you must not get the best of me because i will not let you. even though i’m left with this heart of void and bitter coldness, i will still hang on with every unit of energy and warmth left in my body.

although i fear you, Desolation, for you have painted me a string of grey and black dreams, threatening me to let go, i will not let you reign under any circumstance at all. i will hold on with every last strength and will in me to defeat you, to silent you and to send you to eternal banishment.

although you always hover over me like a stormy cloud, and leave me here on this abandoned beach where the waves beat so hard and the wind howls like a hyena, i will survive you. i will calm the storm and the sea, and the dark clouds will part and the sun will shine brightly once again.

Desolation, you will fear me…

bring me home

this is for you. i hope you read this.

"i just wanna feel your arms around me again,

and see the smile carved across your face.

i want things to return the same,

please tell me that this is just a phase.

at times, i can’t seem to comprehend,

why you’re no longer you,

you’re not the man i used to love,

just tell me this isn’t true.

i want it to be just me and you

don’t you love me too?

i don’t wanna live this life alone

so please, i beg u to bring me home."

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Letters to Nayzi

tonight, my heart skips a beat. the warmth of your hand on mine still lingers. you whisper something into my ear though i couldn't really make out the words. but who cares? what's most important is that you have touched my hand; held it tight tonight. and i know,, we BOTH know what that means.

a year ago, it all began. though we belong to two different worlds, you still give me cherished memories of a year which feels like a lifetime. i shall never forget your kisses, your embraces, your warmth, your care and love which have brought new meaning to my life. thank you. i love you too.

this year was filled with many reminisces. there were many snapshots of sweet memories together but the bitter ones also existed and yes, they were more enduring than the sweet ones. if there were any successes which we could both boast about, it should be about how we overcame our differences and turned bitter memories into sugary ones. i want to remember this year in this way.

thank you for another lesson-filled year. though we are worlds apart now, my heart stays with you and yours with mine. you taught me to be stronger, more matured and independent. you always assured me that i could always keep running back to you when i needed someone. you would hold out your arms wide opened to welcome me or to lend an ear and a shoulder to cry on. i still love you, more than ever.

you caught me by surprise when you flew all the way from where you were to celebrate my birthday. i was so happy i was going to cry but fought back my tears of joy. but you somehow successfully made me cry those tears when you got down on knee, popped out a beautiful diamond ring and proposed out loud in front of my family and friends. so here we are today, on our wedding day. you made me fall in love with you all over again. till death do us part.

congratulations, hubby!!! our first baby boy!!! he has your big brown eyes and not to mention those to-die-for fluttery eyelashes. he's the most handsome man in the world, after you of course... tears are filling my eyes now. hubby, i am so happy to have your child. thank you and i love you.

not again? another one coming? no. what? twins? wow! a boy and a girl. wow! dear, your dream came true. you had always wanted a pair of twins. now here they come. dear, i am so happy to be able to share this with you. there is no one in this world who could give me the joy you bring.

44 years since the first touch, you continued to love me. our kids are all grown up. our kids' kids are growing up too. what other happiness would i want to wish for other than the one i am experiencing here with you now. you are still the first thing i see when i wake in the morning and the last when i go to sleep. i wish we could live like this together forever. we have been through so much to come to what we have built till now. the most romantic thing to do right now is growing old together, side by side, living the last days of our lives. i am so proud to be your wife. thank you for cherishing me. i love you too, dear.

today, you left me. physically, yes. not emotionally. for you are always in my heart and in my heart is where you will always stay. we have foreseen today coming. one will leave another. that's part and parcel of life. but i would want you to know just this one thing. i have always loved you. and i would still be loving you till my very... last... breath.