joanne: in my own words

Let me sing a song for you,
Please sit and listen to the tune,
This ain't no song of greatness,
But only a voice of a girl,
Singing about her world.

So let me sing a song for you,
Please please please, do listen to the tune,
All I wish is for you to hear me,
As I sing about my days,
Now sing with me if you may.

Monday, December 26, 2011

ke manakah Cinta pergi?

bila Sang Mentari diganti Sang Bulan
siang bertukar menjadi malam
seorang gadis berdiri keseorangan
di tepi pantai ditemani Sang Bayu
dalam kesepian yang memeluknya
gadis itu melayan kepiluan yang melanda
bertepuk dada bertanya diri
ke manakah Cinta pergi?

setiap titisan air mata pedih terasa
apa lagi kepedihan yang kian bertakhta di sanubari
hati menangis siapa yang tahu
perasaan ini bagai bantal empuk yang dipenuhi duri
kerana cinta ku telah dihiris seribu kali
aku cuba menahan sebak di dada
yang seolah ombak yang memukul kuat ke sisir pantai
tapi apakah daya seorang gadis yang telah terabai?

cinta yang ku beri pada mu tulus dan ikhlas
cinta ku indah bagai pelangi selepas hujan
cinta ku untuk mu tiada berbelah bagi
cinta ku terhadap mu dalam dan suci
sejak bila kau beranjak pergi
meninggalkan aku diam sepi
bukalah semula pintu hati mu
agar aku bisa hidup dalam cahaya cinta mu selalu

apakah salah ku?
sehingga cinta kita kini di penghujung jalan
apakah sebab kita mesti berakhir di sini?
bila kita masih mengerti cinta ini
adakah aku seorang saja yang bermimpi?
sedangkan kau sudah bertukar hati
aku bertepuk dada bertanya diri
ke manakah Cinta ku pergi?

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Under the Crimson Cloven Skies of October

Under the crimson cloven skies of October, I said goodbye to him. Quickly, he held my hand and pulled me into his arms - so tightly, I barely could breathe. A part of me wanted to break free and just walk away, never to look back. But there was still this part of me that wished to linger on... only for awhile longer.

The evening wind had just started to blow gently across the green field which was now tinted yellow by the setting sun. The withering oak trees casted light shadows over the meadows down the hill where we stood. Silence enveloped around us like there was no other more solemn place in the world than where we were standing.

He cried suddenly.

Tightening his grip around my body, streams of hot tears flowed down his cheeks like a waterfall. He hugged me even closer. The familiar smell of his cologne filled my nostrils. I knew this would be my last time to catch a whiff of that scent. With his face buried in my hair and his chin rested on my left shoulder, I could feel his warmth, so comforting to me once upon a time ago.

Like a mannequin, I stood there stiffly in his arms. As if I was lost in my own reverie, I stared blankly into the clouds above. I could see the sparrows flying swiftly in the sky and I whispered silently to myself, wishing to be like them - soaring so freely with wings unfurled.

But the birds, they were singing a chorus; a melody so sad and cold, it brought me to tears too. It was as if the birds were mourning with us, dedicating this day as the last chapter of our love story.

Memories, one by one, started to float back, flashing before my eyes. There were moments of laughter and of joy; there were also moments of tears and of sadness; our first date and our first kiss; the journey we traveled together - the sunshine and the storms; and especially, I could still remember vividly how his skin felt against mine; the warmth, the texture, the scent - it was all coming back.

Did I make a mistake? Did I make a wrong decision? Did we have to end it?

I lifted both my arms to hug him back, to tell him that we could rewind and go back to where we had left, to tell him not to cry anymore and that every thing would be okay, to look him in the eyes and say that I still love him and will always do. I had waited so long, I can still wait some more; I had loved him for so long, I could still continue loving him, why should I even stop now?

But my arms stayed where they were, as stiffly as the other limbs. I could not bring myself to love him anymore. My heart was now broken. Something died inside. The bitter cold now reigned sovereignly in it - my heart was now an ice palace, waiting... just waiting for the slightest glow of warmth to revive it. It won't be for a thousand years.

And so, under the crimson cloven skies of October, I said goodbye to him.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

My Life | So What?

Hi, let me introduce to you my life.
I live among the rich and the glamorous.
Paparazzi, camera flashlights and red carpets are a norm for me.
My life revolves around playing and partying every single night.
I love it when the night falls; every thing comes alive - the music, the dance moves, the booze, the skinny-dipping and sometimes the ménagè a trois.
New friends are easy to get; sleeping partners - even easier! During the day, I attend big luncheons at posh restaurants.
Caviar and champagne are my top-list menu. 
I own a business empire and a chain of hotels and casinos around the world.
I have cash, loads of it - spend it all and I still have a lot to burn in the fire, just for fun!
My best friends are Gucci, Prada, Dior, Louis Vuitton and Chanel.
I dress and parade around town with them - from the tip of my toes to the top of my head; from the outsides to even the insides too.
My playmates are Ferrari, Lamborghini and Bentley.
I ride with them on the roads; they are so hot and sexy that they'd always turn heads.
My playgrounds are Tokyo, Milan, New York, London and Paris.
I have houses and mansions there - they are second homes to me.
I love buying gifts for friends and strangers too, mostly impulsive.
The biggest gift I've ever bought for a stranger was a cruise ship - only because he loves fishing out in the open sea.
I find pleasure in the company of men and women - it is so easy to buy them.
It just clicks - I want entertainment and they want money. 
When you have money, you have everything.

I lead a life many people could only dream of.
It's a nice feeling to know that people envy me.

I have a secret to tell you: a confession to make.
I smile only because it is forced; not genuine.
It is all a show, a facade. 
I may sound like I am happy and proud of how I live.
But honestly, I am not.
So what if I have all the riches in the world but have not your love, what am I?

I am Nothing.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Driving in Kuala Lumpur - Not too crazy after all

Driving in downtown Kuala Lumpur is madness (although it is not as crazy as driving on the Penang Island). But in all the madness that the roads of KL city has to offer, I've found some sanity too - pleasing and comforting to my already-tormented soul of a driver.

I was driving to work on Wednesday along Jalan Tun Sambathan, Brickfields KL - a road that is partially brick-paved and partially tarred (with countless potholes), and part of it, still under construction which seems never-ending. If the condition of the road did not already kill me, the strings of traffic from all unpredicted directions - left and right - would have! The bumper-to-bumper jam suffocated me. Some drivers practised their "kiasu-ness" (fear of losing out) in their driving which caused me to "kiasi" (fear of getting killed), struggling to control my steering wheel. And if that was not bad enough, the motorcyclists could easily cause me a major heart attack every time they weaved in and out the traffic; not to mention, my 2.5-month old car! I will die if someone were to hit into or scratch my car's beautiful and muscular white body... *touch wood*

Alright. So you understand now how crazy driving in downtown KL on a weekday morning is. Yes, very crazy indeed. Stressful, frustrating, scary - all in one! But something which was rather pleasant took place on that particular Wednesday morning. An accident happened right before my eyes involving a red Perodua Kembara car in front of my car and a black Toyota Vios car in front of the Kembara. When I thought that this accident would be the start of a major jam of the already existing jam, I was wrong. Instead of seeing the two owners arguing over the accident, I witnessed a very heart-warming scene between them. When I thought that the Vios owner would alight from his car and start scolding the Kembara owner for hitting into the back of his car and causing a hideous dent on his bumper, he silently took a look at the damage to his Vios and smiled instead to the Kembara owner who at that time, was profusely apologizing for his mistake. They spoke for awhile, then shook hands and returned to their respective cars. So ironic!

I, for once, felt relief. The scene was so heart-warming and pleasant that all my stress, frustration and fear just melted away. The comforting thought lingered in my head throughout the entire journey to work. I wish more Malaysians to be like the Vios and the Kembara owners when an accident occurs, no matter how bad it is. Then the whole world would be a much better place to live in.