she wonders

every day,
when the sun sets and shines its last ray,
when the wind dies and the world outside calms away,
there by the window at the edge of her bed,
she would always sits and stares blankly.

every day,
what she sees through her eyes, I know not.
but the tears that continue to stream down her cheeks tell me a story.
a story that seems so bitter and painful,
no one could ever fathom what it is.

every day,
she yearns to share the bitterness with someone,
she yearns for his listening ear,
she yearns for his crying shoulder,
she yearns for his touch,
she yearns for his consolation.

every day,
noises keep ringing in her head,
she tries hard to push them out,
and when she finally manages to shove them away for a start,
something or someone would always cause the noises once again.
she was at first encouraged and motivated,
people were starting to see her coming back alive,
but just as she was beginning to smile for the first time in a long while,
she was beaten again by him.

every day,
she wonders.
she wonders if this was all a revenge.
she wonders if he has changed into someone so cruel and mean.
she wonders if he still thinks of her like he always used to tell her.
she wonders if he still cares for her the way he used to.
she wonders if he still cherishes the special moments they used to share.
she wonders if those memories have been replaced by other things or another person in his life.
she wonders if he still knows what she likes and dislikes and still takes note about those.
she wonders if he still love her like how he used to.

all these questions are left unanswered. for as many times she tells him she would like to know those answers for her to move on and be happy, that many times she is rejected by him. yes, he wants her to move on, but how can she when he is withholding back his feelings?

and so she continues to wonder.