joanne: in my own words

Let me sing a song for you,
Please sit and listen to the tune,
This ain't no song of greatness,
But only a voice of a girl,
Singing about her world.

So let me sing a song for you,
Please please please, do listen to the tune,
All I wish is for you to hear me,
As I sing about my days,
Now sing with me if you may.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Forever & A Day

That afternoon, the clouds hung low and cast a gloomy blue tint in the atmosphere. The air was damp and the ground was wet from the rain. The fields contrasted the dull skies with its fresh green which appeared to be more saturated in the after-showers. Birds were chirping in unison to a semi-melancholic melody.

From a distance, an old white car was approaching, its tires spinning clumsily along the gravel road across the fields, chasing every animal and insect out of the way. The roar of the old car’s engine was the only artificial sound in that natural scene. It became louder and louder as it approached me nearer and nearer. It showed no signs of stopping until it reached the end of the gravel road somewhere down the hill to where I was standing. Finally, the old car stopped, just right in front of me. The engine was still running and the driver, a young man, whose hands were gripping tightly onto the steering wheel, stared blankly into the distance ahead. He held that position for some minutes before finally giving it up by turning off the engine, almost as abruptly as how he stopped his car earlier. And then, the sounds of nature suddenly returned.

As if the ride he endured before this was a bumpy one or perhaps it was, he leaned back towards his seat in a relaxed position and sighed loudly. He sat there quietly inside the car, listening to the pitter-patters of the drizzle against the glass. I walked closer to the car to watch him. Slowly, he wound down the window and stuck out his left palm. Droplets of rain began to gather in his palm. When it became full, he tilted his palm to drain off the water. And then, cupping his left palm again, he repeated to gather more droplets of rain in his palm. Something about his action seemed all too familiar to me. My heart became heavy all of a sudden.

And then, the rain stopped pouring. There was now a soothing cool breeze blowing. He pulled his palm back inside and wound up the window but leaving a small crevice just about big enough for the cool breeze to enter. He turned to look ahead the car. I followed his gaze but I realized that he was not looking at something in particular ahead. A shadow of sadness suddenly settled upon his face. I had never seen such sadness before – the kind that was sadder than ever. Although I had never known this sadness, I could fathom the reason behind it.

Later, he reached into the glove compartment in front of the passenger seat and drew out a small navy blue velvet box. He held it on his right palm in front of his chest. Staring solemnly at the tiny box, he pushed opened the lid with his left thumb. Gleaming beautifully inside the dark-colored box was a bright 2.5 carat diamond ring. At that sight, my heart skipped a beat, I gasped in surprise and in awe but immediately, my heart sank once again. This time, the shadow of sadness had befallen me. I couldn’t endure the pain that was birthing within so I turned away from him. But at the same time, the urge to watch him a little while longer was so strong that I stayed on.

I got inside the car and sat in the passenger seat next to him. He was still gazing at the ring inside the box, but this time, his fingers were tracing the shape of the ring. I looked down to stare at my own fingers and then looked up again just in time to see him snap the box shut! He gripped the box in his left palm, pulling it close to his heart, and wept. With every tear he cried, he channeled out all the sadness and sorrow he felt inside. He wailed loudly in the car, easing out the pain he had been feeling all this time. He knocked his head repeatedly onto the steering wheel, stomped his feet and cried loudly, almost child-like. I felt sorry for him. I wanted so badly to comfort him, to tell him that things would be all right. I wanted so badly to hug him and give him the reassurance he needed. If only I could…

But I, too, however, cried along with him.

After we had both finished crying, he composed himself and calmly, he sat up in his seat, opened the little velvet box and placed it on the dashboard in front of me. The diamond ring was staring innocently back at us. I stole a glance at him and saw that he was focused on the ring atop the dashboard. He drew a deep breath and uttered these words: “I know that you are now gone. I know that you are now in a beautiful place where only fairies and angels like you belong. But these three words I will forever say to you. I Love You. Forever and a day, my love, forever and a day.”

And so, I left to that beautiful place he described where only fairies and angels belonged, knowing in my heart that I will forever and a day be missed and loved by my one and only true love – him.

I love you too. Forever and a day, my love, forever and a day. If only I had the chance to say these words when I was still alive.

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