Scribbles

now i know how he felt when i spoke about J. when he spoke about L or whenever the L topic came up, my heart twisted in jealousy, pierced with pain. all of a sudden, i felt like i was the 3rd party, just as he had felt whenever the J topic arises.

you may say many things which aren't true about me. but what i know and feel is genuine. you may say that i was fake, though it hurt me a lot, but it's enough for me to know that what i feel or whether i cared or concerned you was real.

i am sorry for how things have turned out. but in my heart, despite of J, there is still only him, Y. you may not notice it and had always thought that all this while, you were sharing places with other people in my heart. but that wasn't true, because up till now, there is only you.

He

He walked into a room filled with people. People who were too engrossed in their own conversations. Conversations about their jobs, about their relationships, about their properties and about many other things. Things of which did not seem to interest him or cross his mind. His mind was on heading to the corner of the room where a little window opened into the night. The night of when he desperately longed for a companion. A companion who may be a friend, a man or a lady, or better still, a stranger. A stranger whom he wished would take his mind off his problems for awhile or perhaps, a stranger who would replace his loneliness. Loneliness which he had been wanting to erase for a long time. Time which he did not want to waste no more for someone who had betrayed his love. His love was better off spent on another woman. Another woman who would fill every empty hole of his heart and satisfy his every desire. His every desire is now focussed on one particular lady, alone by herself in the opposite corner of the room. The opposite corner of the room is where I am now standing.

that moment

that moment was when the world stopped spinning and there was only you and me
that moment was when i suddenly felt a warm rush running thru my body and i blushed
that moment was when i saw that softness in your eyes and i felt safe for the first time
that moment was when the clouds parted and out came the sun, beaming
that moment was when you swept me off my feet and had me flying on your wings
that moment was when i thought i only needed you to breathe
that moment was when the dry dessert became a bed of roses
that moment was when my every problem became unimportant
that moment was when i could feel you on every inch square of my skin
that moment was when i saw the sweetest smile on your face
that moment was when i didn't want to be anywhere else but with you in this place
that moment was when it was nothing but the truth
that moment was when you looked into my eyes and said "i love you."

Blank

Sitting in front of my laptop. Staring blankly at the beeping cursor. Thinking deeply about what I should be writing here.

It seems to me I'm experiencing some kind of a writer's block here. In search for the most suitable words or perhaps, I'm currently at a lost for words. No inspiration to write. But why?

So much has happened lately in such a short period of time. It's something like this. You've been given an inch thick romance novel to read within one minute. Do you even have time to turn the pages? There is so much to process in so little time. And on top of that, you would like to give your feedbacks on what you've been given to read for the past one minute.

I find that sometimes, our love stories are exactly like the ones from the movies - so coincidental, so planned and so predictable. But our love stories can also be extremely complicated at the same time. There is no way of telling how it starts and continues and of course how it ends, if the most unfortunate must happen.

I, myself, am caught up in a situation which involves a possible end to a love story and probably, a start to a new one. Well, we all hate to be in a situation like this - a situation of uncertainty; a situation where you are torn between two, unsure about which road is the best to take. It sucks, doesn't it?

But what I can really say is that I do agree with that one person despite hating the fact of having to sit around and wait some more. Let Time do the work and Love will take its own course, naturally.

To that one person, the ball is in your court now. We have come a long way and have had histories. Years ago, we boarded the same boat but I chose to jump off and left you sailing on your own. It wasn't our time. After that, you went on a new boat and I did the same and we headed for different directions. But what if we are crossing paths now? I've explained all there is to know about me. This has nothing to do with the other person. This is solely about you and me.

Loneliness & Her

Sitting by the window, she stared emptily into the dark heavy clouds above.
Even before it rained, she suddenly felt that the cold was already setting in.
So, she pulled a thick blanket around her to conserve all the warmth she needed.
But it wasn't about the cold from the rain she was trying to avoid.
It was the Cold of being alone.

The rain had finally set in. The sun had disappeared. And she was all alone.
She surrounded herself with a dozen of lit candles.
A fierce fire was already blazing in the fireplace.
She quickly filled the atmosphere with a soft music playing in the background.
But nothing... nothing she did could ever overcome Loneliness that was reigning in her.

Soon, hot tears came streaming down her cheeks.
How she wished there was a hand held out to wipe those precious tears for her.
Her heart was aching and crying out loud, begging for attention.
But no one was around to hear her sorrows - her sorrows of a lost love.

Little did she realize that she had committed herself voluntarily to this living hell.
But deep down, she longed to be loved once again.
She knew this was impossible.
Because no one could ever love her the way he did.
He was irreplaceable.

So, every day, ever since that day, she would sit by the window and stare emptily into the skies above.
The skies were always dark and gloomy, each time threatening to rain.
There was never sunshine nor even a bird chirping in the air; only silence, coldness, numbness, darkness, nothingness...
And of course, there also, was Loneliness.

Sunshine after the Rain

i conqured Desolation.

the dark clouds part. and the Sun is beaming again. i feel his rays on my raw skin. his warmth seeping into my veins. i could feel the gentle wind blowing and the smell of vanilla in my nostrils.

i told you, Desolation. i will conquer you and now you fear me. you have no control of me for i have sent you into eternal damnation.

now, i feel whole again. the whole world smiling at me. and my days are getting brighter. i can now smell the familiar sweet scent of moist soil beneath my feet. the smell i’ve almost forgotten in my earlier days.

and now, i wear a silent smile on my face and am excitedly anticipating…

Desolation

this familiar feeling of Desolation. i know you too well. you have been knocking on my door a few times. but i pretend not to hear you. i refuse to open the door for you.

you can knock again for all i care. but you must not get the best of me because i will not let you. even though i’m left with this heart of void and bitter coldness, i will still hang on with every unit of energy and warmth left in my body.

although i fear you, Desolation, for you have painted me a string of grey and black dreams, threatening me to let go, i will not let you reign under any circumstance at all. i will hold on with every last strength and will in me to defeat you, to silent you and to send you to eternal banishment.

although you always hover over me like a stormy cloud, and leave me here on this abandoned beach where the waves beat so hard and the wind howls like a hyena, i will survive you. i will calm the storm and the sea, and the dark clouds will part and the sun will shine brightly once again.

Desolation, you will fear me…